Scene Seventy Five
In which well groomed rats attempt to leave a sinking ship.
Tony Tony’s legs were starting to regain mobility, or maybe it was just him regaining his will to move. It was hard to really tell. All he knew was that he had spent yesterday propped in a corner of the jet, and now he could finally move again.
The sparky man, who he thought was looking wilder than the last time he had seen him, was standing at the front of the jet and flicking his arms around like a man attacking a troublesome fly.
When Tony Tony looked out of the windows he saw something very strange; he saw dragons in a variety of colors being swatted out of the sky in front of them, sometimes they tried to breathe fire, but always it somehow it always seemed to miss.
Once he had digested this he started to notice everything that his mind had been letting him build up to.
There were flying toasters, someone was attacking them from the back of a giant creeper vine, there were flocks of tropical birds which kept dive-bombing them and exploding, and then there was the noise. Over the squawks and the roars and the many, many explosions there was the sound of heroic background music. At least twenty different pieces of heroic background music in fact, all playing against one another, and all getting louder as their players realized that they had a completion going.
Tony Tony tore his eyes away from the window, and then wished that he could do the same thing with his ears. the sound was getting louder than he had thought was possible, soon it wouldn’t matter if the dragons and housecats kept missing them; a man couldn’t possibly keep a jet supported in mid air after his head had imploded from sound pressure.
The one lesson that Tony Tony had taken from his high school English study was that there are two important skills in business and in life, knowing when to get in, and knowing when to get out. Tony Tony definitely wanted out of this jet, preferably yesterday, before the attacks started, but since that wasn’t possible he was very willing to just launch himself into the air and hope that he landed on something airborne, and not too far down.
He stretched one of his legs out in front of him and levered himself up. Someone had set invisible pink unicorns on the jet and the light beams hurt Tony Tony’s eyes as he sneaked out of the cockpit.
He walked as quietly as he could backwards, trying to keep his breathing as silent as possible. He almost ruined the whole thing when he tripped over something half way to the giant hole in the side of the plane where the wings used to be.
Biting down on his tongue he looked back to see what he had tripped over. It was the other man; the one who had looked like he was watching a car crash. He looked worst than Tony Tony had ever seen anyone look; he was curled up on the ground and shivering, and didn’t even seem to notice that someone had tripped over him.
There are certain aspects to a person’s personality which are indelible; Tony Tony went back to help.
He grabbed the man under his shoulders and moved him like a giant sack of flour; he didn’t think that the man would be in a position to help any time soon, and time was really critical here. He kept expecting to look up and see those crazy harsh eyes staring into his.
The man was heavier than he looked, and Tony Tony was as old as he looked. It was taking everything he had to move the man and the plane wasn’t getting any shorter.
He felt something like an itch at the back of his brain, and then the plane suddenly got a lot shorter.
Tony Tony saw a flash of something that had too many mouths, before something like a bolt of concussive lightning slammed into the one part of the thing’s face which seemed to contain an eye. Tony Tony looked up, the itch in his brain getting stronger, and empty white pits stared back at him.
Tony Tony started to move backwards again, yanking as hard as he could on the man he was pulling. He was trying to fight it, but the terror was threatening to consume him. There was now a nice big hole really close, if only he could reach it in time.
The man strode towards them, his hand raised. All manner of strange creatures were driven back past Tony Tony; the sky was filled with things out of a Chick Tract, and they were all dead or dying.
The man grabbed Tony Tony by the front of the shirt, and lifted him as easily as if he was a rag doll. Tony Tony couldn’t see any mercy in those eyes, and he knew it was over.
There is an old saying about how the prospect of being hanged in the morning focuses the mind beautifully. It really doesn’t actually. What it does do is send the mind freewheeling, looking desperately for anything, anything that might possibly hold a way out.
This is why, when Tony Tony finally faced a situation that he really couldn’t think of a way out of, his mind started to focus on the strangest things.
He remembered that he really liked the big lollipops that they used to give out at liquor stores; they were like a three course banquet to a young boy.
He remembered that it was one of his daughter’s birthdays exactly three weeks from now, he supposed that he wouldn’t get to see her again.
He finally paid attention to that weird itch at the back of his brain, and heard through the mental equivalent of heavy static “Put the crystal on Devlin”. Tony Tony didn’t know who Devlin was, but the crystal was something he hadn’t considered before.
The man raised his hand and put it on Tony Tony’s face, Tony Tony slammed the crystal around the man’s neck, the man’s eyes flickered like a bad projector, and he started screaming.
Then adrenaline flooded back into him, and he realized that the man’s grip was slackening. By the time he realized this he had already leapt into mid air, and was descending rapidly.
 There were of course giant flying catapults launching housecats at the jet. Mages have a good sense for puns even if their taste in animal treatment is somewhat lacking.